allonsyforever:

One time this boy in my math class ate an eraser

it was last week

i am seventeen years old

the class was A.P. calculus

silverandcrimson:

skeletonhaver:

nine out of ten dentists recommend Colgate. the last one won’t stop recommending “the flesh of the innocent” and “thousands and thousands of skulls, staring, judging” and quite frankly we aren’t sure if he’s a real dentist or not

(Source: sexhaver)

reasonsmysoniscrying:

4yo: “Knock Knock!”
Wife: “Who’s there?”
4yo: “A slimy octopus bigger than the earth!”
Wife: “A slimy octopus bigger than the earth, who?”
4yo: “Mommy, you should probably keep your door shut.”

Sonic Screwdriver
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